Pirates!
by Xoteem
Summary: Remus/Sirius pirate AU oneshot. Based on "Gay Pirates." Not a songfic!
1. Chapter 1

This is a Remus/Sirius fic based on Cosmo Jarvis's "Gay Pirates" song. It's an AU where they find a cure for Remus's lycanthropy, but they both lose their magic. They are exiled and end up with muggle pirates. Enjoy!

I don't own anything, and I don't profit from writing this fanfiction

[Break]

"Ugh! This water's too salty!" Remus chuckled at the look on Sirius's face.

"You're not supposed to drink it, love."

"Remind me again why we're on this bloody ship?"

"Because we've got no choice?"

"Good point."

[Break]

They were cleaning the deck when Sirius scrubbed his way over to Remus.

"I'm sick of being beaten, and whipped and lashed to death." Remus sighed.

"So am I, love. At least the gang rape seems to have stopped." Just then one of the newer recruits was dragged off kicking and screaming by a group of burly pirates. "I spoke too soon, I see. Think they'll be satisfied with just him?" As Sirius pondered, the unfortunate man's screams drifted up to them.

"Don't hold your breath."

[Break]

"Yo-ho, Sebastian-"

"Why the bloody hell are you calling me Sebastian?" Sirius shrugged.

"It seemed like a good idea. Let's go far away."

"Like where?" Remus made a show of looking about the quarters they shared with 20 other pirates. "Not exactly anywhere TO go, love." Sirius looked around too, making sure everyone else was alseep before he pulled Remus in for a quick kiss.

"I dunno, just somewhere where the mad captain can't get us."

[Break]

"They say they're gonna kill me, if I look at you once more," Sirius said softly while making sure to keep his eyes on the potatoe he was peeling. "Pissed in my hammock, too, so it's the floor for me."

[Break]

"Remus! Your feet are bleeding!" Remus shook his head, not allowing Sirius to remove his sandals.

"They put glass in them, said if I didn't wear them they'd make you pay." Sirius pulled Remus close and held him tightly. Neither of them noticed the first mate watching them.

[Break]

Sirius ran, skidding around corners and jumping down stairs. When he found Remus he grabbed him without slowing down. When they had reached the furthest point below decks that they could go, Sirius hid them in a corner. As they stood there panting Remus could see tears flowing down his cheeks.

"What's wrong, love? Sirius, what happened?"

"The captain," Sirius choked out. "He found out about us. He's ordered them to throw us both overboard. Tonight." Remus pulled Sirius close to him, making soothing noises and stroking his hair. After a long while he broke the silence.

"Then together we will go." Sirius looked up at him for a long moment before nodding firmly.

[Break]

They were prodded toward the plank with sharp swords, their hands tied behind their backs. Remus looked at Sirius and spoke softly.

"I hope they didn't tie your hands as tightly as mine." Sirius smiled, a sad little twist of his mouth.

"I'll see you on the bed of this blue ocean, babe, sometime." He took a deep breath and met Remus's eyes. "I'm yours, you know." Remus's eyes began leaking.

"I'll love you still in hell." It sounded like gibberish to the other pirates, but it had become their custom to speak the two sentences quietly when they were almost alone, referring to the pirate ship as their personal hell and reaffirming their love for one another. The captain got sick of waiting and kicked them overboard, Remus first. 'And down we fell," he thought madly, before the icy water stole all thought from his mind.

[Break]

Remus didn't know how long he struggled underwater before the strong hand wrapped around his arm and jerked him toward the surface. He gasped in air and struggled.

"Sirius!" His throat was raw but he didn't care. "Sirius, where are you!" A hand clasped itself around his mouth.

"Shut up you daft man! If you mean your mate with the long hair Tim's got 'im. Now stop fighting or you're going to drag us both under!" Remus stopped struggling and looked around. His rescuer was taking him to another ship, anchored a distance away. When they reached it he was hauled up onto the deck and lay there trying to recover his wits. When Sirius was hauled up a few minutes later he nearly died from joy. They were both dragged into a small cabin, cut free, stripped and given itchy blankets to keep them from freezing. They sat alone, shivering and huddled together.

"Don't tell them anything, Remus. They won't bother with the plank, they'll just beat us to death." Remus nodded and squeezed Sirius's hand, jerking away when the door opened. The captain strode in followed by the first mate and with a jolt he realized the captain had been the one to pull him from the water. The first mate's hair was damp, so he was probably the one who had rescued Sirius. Tim stood in the corner while the captain knelt in front of them.

"Lads, my name is Frank and I'm the captain of this fine vessel. Now, you need to tell me why you were thrown overboard." When he was met with silence he glanced back at Tim, who shrugged and leaned against the wall. "Were you starting a mutiny?" They shook their heads. "Ahh, now we're getting somewhere. Caught stealing? Kill a shipmate? Sleepin with the captain's wench? Snitches? Drunkards?" At each suggestion he was met with a head shake. "Lads, you need to tell me," he pleaded. "Otherwise we'll throw you in the brig and dump you on the next island we come to." Remus barely heard the last words. He was too busy studying the way Tim was watching Frank. He looked over at Sirius, who shook his head frantically. Remus then looked the captain in the eye before very slowly and deliberately taking Sirius's hand, twining their fingers together. Frank looked down at their hands, then back up to their faces, expressionless. Remus relaxed when his face broke out into a wide grin.

"Why didn't you just say so lads? We'll get you some clothes and sleeping quarters." Frank stood and turned to Tim. "Looks like you were right, love. Now how about I pay up?" As they left the two alone again, Remus pulled Sirius close and whisprered softly in his ear.

"We deserve much better than we've had."


	2. Chapter 2

So many people were asking for the story behind the story, so here it is. I don't know the fandom well, so apologies for any inaccuracies. Just an FYI, this is NOT chapter one, this is a prequel. The first chapter was based on a song and was meant to be a stand alone.

I don't own, I don't profit.

[Break]

Sirius yawned and stretched out his arm, frowning at the almost warm spot beside him. He rubbed his eyes and gazed at the clock, flinching when it told him it was 3 in the morning. He groaned and rolled out of bed, shuffling to the light in the tiny kitchen.

"Remus, we graduated not twenty-four hours ago. Why are you studying? Scratch that, why are you awake at this hour?" Remus looked up from the book and smiled sheepishly at Sirius.

"Sorry, I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to wake you with my tossing and turning, so I figured I'd check out this book Frank gave me." He held it up for Sirius to see the drawing of a werewolf on the front along with words in a language he couldnt read. It looked like a very old book.

"What is it?" Remus shrugged.

"So far, just an old book of werewolf stories from Germany." Sirius walked over behind Remus and put his arms around his shoulders, leaning his chin on Remus's head.

"Come back to bed, I've got something that will help you sleep." Remus grinned up at him.

"Oh really?" At Sirius's nod, he stood and pulled him closer. "I think I'll take you up on that offer."

[Break]

"Remus, why are we in this dusty old book store?" Remus frowned down at Sirius from the ladder he was precariously perched on.

"You didn't have to come, you know. I specifically told you I was going out to look for a book, you could have gone to the pub with James and Peter." Sirius huffed and leaned against the end of a book shelf.

"Will you at least tell me what you're looking for so I can help?" Remus smiled as he pulled a small, worn book from the shelf.

"This. Let's go."

[Break]

Remus was high up in a tree, enjoying the summer breeze and relative silence, when he heard voices below him.

"Everything alright between you and Remus, mate?" There was a sigh and the sound of a body flopping onto the ground.

"I think so. We haven't been fighting and the sex is fantastic, but he's been kind of preoccupied lately. His nose has been in that bloody book practically every spare second he has." Remus peered through the branches to see James sitting against the tree with Sirius sprawled near his feet and wondered if he should feel bad about eavesdropping. Shrugging, he settled back and resumed reading, half listening to his boyfriend and friend.

"What's the book about?"

"I've got no clue, but it's got a werewolf on the front, and the other one doesn't have any picture on it. They're both in German, so I can't understand a word of them."

"Have you ever asked him about what's in them?"

"No, he hasn't," Remus broke in. He laughed at the startled expressions on their faces as he apparated down to them. "Had he asked, I would be happy to tell him." Sirius stared at him, then jumped as the words sunk in.

"Oh! What's in the books, Remus?" Remus chuckled and settled down beside Sirius, leaning back on his hands and enjoying the sun on his face.

"Well, the one Frank gave me has alot of folklore about werewolves. The one I got at the book shop focuses on one thing."

"Which is?" James asked impatiently when Remus didn't continue.

"Well, the cure for lycanthropy, of course." James and Sirius stared at him, jaws hanging open. "The book is over a hundred years old, and the supposed cure was ancient when it was written, so I doubt it's real. I still have a lot to research."

[Break]

Sirius had forgotten about the books, they had been sitting supposedly forgotten on a shelf for so long. Remus had been cautiously excited for a few months, then one day he tossed them aside in disgust.

"These bloody things are useless!" Sirius looked up in surprise.

"Another dead end, I take it?" Remus sighed and flopped down beside him.

"Yes. Screw it, screw them." He waved his wand at them and they flew to the top of the bookshelf, where they sat for nearly a year. Until the morning the owl flew into the window.

"Bloody hell!" Sirius hurried to let the dazed creature in. It dropped a large package on the table, flew into two different walls and then out the window again. Sirius stared after it for a moment before looking at the package. "Remus," he called. "Package for you." Remus emerged from the bedroom, rubbing his eyes.

"What is it?" Sirius shrugged and Remus picked it up, turning it over in his hands before ripping the paper off to reveal another book with a note attached.

"It's from Frank. He found it in his grandmother's attic and thought it went with the other one." Remus flipped through the pages absently for a few minutes before sitting straight up and looking at Sirius, wide-eyed.

"What? Remus, what is it?" Sirius hurried to Remus's side.

"This is it. Sirius, this is the cure!"

[Break]

Remus had taken six months painstakingly researching and gathering ingredients for the spell. The night had arrived and he and Sirius set out for the clearing they had chosen and prepared. The night was dark, no stars were out and the moon was new. They set everything up in silence, nervous and excited. No one knew what they were attempting, Remus not wanting to get everyone's hopes up in case they failed. Just before they started, Sirius pulled him into a hug and gave him a lingering kiss.

"I'll always love you, furry little problem or not." Remus smiled.

"Love you too. Ready?" Sirius nodded and they began, starting the long and complicated spell.

Nearly an hour later the last word had been spoken and the last herb had been burned. They stood in silence for a while, waiting, before Sirius turned to Remus.

"Do you feel-" What felt like a giant wave knocked them both off their feet, stunning them and causing their ears to ring. They lay there for a few minutes, recovering, before Remus sat up and looked at Sirius in a panic.

"Sirius, I can't feel my magic. Can-" He was cut off as someone hit him with a paralyzing spell. He flopped bonelessly down, staring at Sirius as black cloaked figures surrounded them.

[Break]

They had been bound and gagged, hoods thrown over their heads as they were taken. Their captors were nice enough to take them off before they were thrown unceremoniously into a small cell.

"Remus, what went wrong?" Sirius kept trying desperately to do some sort of magic with no success. He couldn't even move the dust that coated the tiny windowsill.

"I don't know. We did everything right, the book said nothing about this happening." Remus pulled his knees to his chest and rested his forehead on them. "I'm so sorry, Sirius. This is all my fault." Sirius stopped trying to move the dust and came to sit beside Remus, pulling him to his chest.

"No it's not. I know that you wouldn't have even tried the spell if you had know this could happen. Hopefully they can fix us." They sat like that for a while before Remus spoke in a small voice.

"What if they can't?"

[Break]

They had been left in the cell for a few hours, then moved to a small room containing a bed, table and chairs, a sparse bookshelf and a small attached bathroom. The door disappeared as soon as they had been led inside, leaving them to look at each other.

"It's a lot better than a cell," Sirius said, flopping down on the bed. Remus looked out the window to find that they were high above the ground.

"Either they're not worried about escape, or they don't care if we kill ourselves. We're higher than the astronomy tower." He sighed and sat next to Sirius, who pulled him down into a hug.

[Break]

"Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, you have performed a forbidden spell and eliminated not only Mr. Lupin's lycanthropy, but your magic. Before we get down to the consequences, how on earth did you find that book? All known copies were destroyed." Remus looked up at the stern-faced woman in front of him, Janet Starborn by the plaque on her desk.

"A friend found it in his grandmother's attic and sent it to me. He thought I'd find it interesting."

"Any chance you'll tell me who this friend is?"

"That depends, is he going to get in trouble? He had no idea what was in the book."

"No, but the name could reveal how his grandmother had the book." Remus looked at Sirius, who shrugged.

"Frank Longbottom." She nodded.

"His grandmother, Ruth Longbottom, was a cheif researcher for the cure for lycanthropy. It was she who discovered the devastating effects of tha spell." Sirius broke in, tired of being silent.

"Can they fix us? You've kept us locked up for bloody weeks with no outside contact. Yes I like alone time with my boyfriend, but that's taking it a bit too far." Janet smiled.

"Yes, we know very well how you took advantage of being alone." Remus blushed and she continued. "Unfortunately, we cannot restore your magic. The spell is forbidden because it permanently wipes out the magic of both casters, a fact which was left out of the book you received. You've been kept in conefinement while we decided what to do with you." Remus's hand stole over to grip Sirius's tightly.

"Well, what are you going to do with us?" Sirius was pale as he folded Remus's hand between both of his.

"Well, despite all of your friends, family and former teacher's protests, it has been decided that you are to be exiled." They both gasped at the harsh punishment.

"But why? We didn't hurt anyone but ourselves!" Remus was near tears, and he suspected Sirius was as well. Janet shook her head.

"No, you didn't. In fact, you didn't knowingly do anything wrong at all. But without magic, you're muggles. You won't be able to live in the wizarding world, and you might unknowingly expose us by visiting your family and friends. We can't risk it. Your memories of how to get to the magical parts of the world will be removed, and you will be taught to survive in the muggle world.

"Can we say goodbye?" Sirius's voice was a harsh whisper.

"I'm sorry, but no." Janet's face softened. "If it were up to me, you would be allowed, but it's over my head. I'm so sorry."

[Break]

Remus looked at Sirius, the cold salty air stinging his cheeks.

"Now what?" Sirius shrugged.

"I don't know. They said they gave us enough money to rent a flat, but we'll need jobs. What's that over there?" He pointed to a crowd of people surrounding a man standing on some sort of platform. They moved closer to hear him.

"If you be craving action, adventure, cash beyond your wildest dreams and absolute freedom, then join us on our fine vessel, 'The Swarthy Mermaid'! There be limited time, so don't wait!" The man jumped down from his platform and strode toward a large ship docked close by. Sirius looked at Remus.

"Want to give it a go?" Remus shrugged.

"May as well." They made their way to the ship and boarded. A bored looking man pointed them to go stand with about a dozen other men. It wasn't long before the ship began to move and a tall man with a pirate's hat and a bushy black beard addressed them.

"Listen up men! I'm Captain George Hook. You've just joined our crew, so I'm going to lay down some rules. No drinkin while you're working, no fightin, no theivin from your shipmates, no mutinies and above all, none of that queer shit!" The men around them murmured agreement, and Remus looked at Sirius, seeing the panic in his eyes. The ship was already too far from the docks for them to abandon ship. They were trapped.

"Shit."

[Break]

Thanks for reading, and I hope you enjoyed it! Shoot me a review and let me know how I did. :)


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